Slaughterhouse

Many class members filled their hotel room with delectable treats and packed their fridges to a Costco-like capacity. One woman had an entire box of meat sent from her home in Alaska. Having the reputation as a bottomless pit (aka a scavenger), people would provide me their surplus food (aka giving to the less fortunate). The most challenging item to cook on a portable one burner stove in the hotel were the 7 pounds of alaskan caribou and sheep I received. Having absolutely no idea what I was doing, I unwrapped the blood soaked paper to discover this rare tender piece of caribou ass.

After vomiting in my mouth, I seasoned the meat the only way i had been taught to...

As the hotel room filled with smoke (or perhaps it was just the sunglasses I was wearing), and olive oil sparked out of the pan, the moments of intrigue to try caribou quickly shifted to disgust. The fresh meat began to shrivel up and any remote moisture that the meat was supposed to retain, evaporated. As much as I wanted to claim that I was a master chef, I said fuck it and got donuts instead.