The company phone anxiously rattles delivering my FIRST EVER trip assignment. I concentrate with MCAT like intensity to decipher what all the information means, and like a white child in a candy shop, my eyes widen with excitement. "I'm going to fucking Hawaii!!!" I proclaim just outside the silent airport prayer room. Absolutely stoked, I pack my crew bags with the bare essentials: board shorts, tank tops, and a taser... just in case any United Airlines personnel try to drag me off the plane.
Morning strolls around and the other flight attendants can smell the new on me... probably because I literally just unwrapped my uniform from the packaging. With a background in bartending, the service aspect was a breeze. No spilled drinks or major mistakes, which was a surprise as the colonial woman on the wing was a huge distraction.
Other than slightly peeing on my slacks through some moderate turbulence, I exceeded all low expectations I had set for myself. But the journey didn't end there, it only got better.
Morning strolls around and the other flight attendants can smell the new on me... probably because I literally just unwrapped my uniform from the packaging. With a background in bartending, the service aspect was a breeze. No spilled drinks or major mistakes, which was a surprise as the colonial woman on the wing was a huge distraction.
From local truck bed transportation
To riding bikes...
Until we hit massive hills, then we opted to hitchhike instead (ate the dog later at the luau)
Where we ended up at a hidden beach and dropped our drawers to go skinny dipping...or fishing if you consider floating genitalia as bait
And now, I sit on the balcony of my hotel room, feeling the warm Hawaiian breeze shuffle across my sphynx like body writing this. Getting paid to vacation. Having an office over 18,000ft in the air where I don't need to answer calls nor be glued to a computer screen all day. Where everyone gets a reclining chair and can sleep at their leisure. Where all worries melt away...like butter.
