A pitchy squeal from the microphone rang loudly in the ears of the 67 nervous candidates as they began to sit down for the commencement of the 10-hour interview for the big airliner. Thankfully the customized 3 piece suit made by the nimble sweatshop hands of an elderly Asian woman in Vietnam concealed the BDSM attire I had on from the night before.
The panel of recruiters primarily consisted of women in their mid 30's, with the assistance of some senior flight attendants who had been with the company for 15+ years. Their voices were angelic, as they took on the persona of a caring mother that you did not want to disappoint. While many were discretely trying to obtain locks of hair from these idolized professionals, my eyes were drawn to the drip coffee and free pastries in the back of the room. Damn my love for free food.
The sorting process commences and the recruiters start pulling people from the room for their one on one interview. While they call out names, the room goes silent and heads start to turn in curiosity of who the figure behind each name is. For the rest of these potential employees, we make our way around the banquet hall to socialize with the competition. In common cases, each person would be out for blood, and it would essentially be a dick measuring contest of who is more over qualified. But in this case, the interactions more so resembled 67 wide-eyed puppies, in themed clothing, cuddling each other in a playful and joyous manner. As much as I wanted to hate the competition, I found it to be more of a struggle to refrain from sounding too desperate and blurting out "I WANT TO BE YOUR FACEBOOK FRIEND BECAUSE YOU ARE REALLY COOL."
"Cameron" yells a petite HR rep. I struggle to scarf down the two croissants already in my mouth as I dash toward her in a Forrest Gump manner while all those damn likable candidates wish me good luck. We sit in the middle of the room, surrounded by 10 other one on one interviews going on, as she begins to rattle off generic interview questions. I start to perspire, in fear that she may be washed away from my river pits starting to tsunami. While she looks down to write notes on the clipboard in front of her, I quickly run the back of my hand across my forehead to surely convince her that I had the demeanor of a relaxed cucumber.
The next minute, I realize I'm back in the original room with everyone else. With no blunt force trauma to the head, I must have blacked out from using all my oxygen in the rapid fire of my words...or perhaps had already suppressed any recollection of the interview. The next three hours were filled with anxious anticipation. Each candidate was asked not to share the information in their group interview with the others in the room. I thought I could muster some type of useful information out of them with bribes of coffee and pastries, but I suppose they had already seen the free food in the back...so instead I Chinese water tortured them. They remained surprisingly strong willed.
Finally, a group of us were called into a room with a panel of judges. I was the only male. So obviously I made numerous sexist jokes and portrayed myself as chauvinistic as possible. The large group of 16 people were broken down into 4 smaller groups and given a scenario to discuss. "If a man who has had numerous alcoholic beverages on a plane is showing signs of intoxication, and asks you for more, what would you tell him?" Having just received my responsible serving of alcohol qualifications in New Zealand and Australia, I indubitably said, "well if he's a lad, you serve the bastard!" The group felt a bit differently. The panel roared, "do we have any group that would like to present first?" The hand beside me rocketed up to present our inconclusive discussion.
Each group member said something slightly different from one another while trying to remain on the same page. The panel found joy in referencing words that we used, to try and trip us up. I chimed in with "It's quite useful to be discrete as well. Getting down on the passengers level to speak to them as opposed to an authoritative figure from above." They wanted to see what that looked like. The next minute, I'm on one knee, proposing to one of the senior flight attendants. Laughter fills the room, while I was genuinely curious if she would've said yes. Thankfully that ends the grilling of our group, as they proceed to question the next. Sitting through each group's presentation was insightful, although at moments it was rough. As if watching a comedian tell a failing joke to a silent audience.
Once we were ushered back into the original room with all the other candidates, the anticipation levels grew. Everyone had completed their group and one on one interviews and awaited their judgment. Two recruiters would come into the room and call out names. One recruiter would take the candidate farther into the hotel while the other would take them closer to the exit. Everyone noticed the trend. At last, my name was called.
The recruiter, softly asked, "how do you feel like you did today?" When on the cusp of responding she pulls out a lanyard and says, "welcome to the team!" My first reaction was, 'well that was rude, she didn't even let me answer the question,' but that was quickly overridden with joy as I swung open a pair of doors to be cheerfully greeted by all the new members of my new found family.
